Who is on the throne?

My sis, Lisa, had passed along to me this great visual for me to share with the kids.  It's called the Y-chart.  It hangs on my fridge as a great reminder for the kids and myself as to what choices we make and scripture that goes along with it.

Funny thing is, I gave each kiddo their own to look at and look up scriptures together and later found this one, done in typical Maggie-fashion.  She just couldn't have a simple black and white one she had to add her own flair, and this is what it looks like........haa haaa a margarita glass!!!  I cracked up! She didn't realize it, being that we don't have margaritas around here but we got a great laugh out of it and it still remains on our fridge!

What is on the throne? Who is on the throne? I find myself many times wanting to be up on the throne wanting what I want...when I want it..only to be knocked off...de throned. Why is it such a battle, my heart wants God to be the choice always yet my will battles that fleshly enticing call to elevate myself to the top through my selfishness.

It is a constant battle but one that continually draws me in to His presence as I seek to make choices that glorify Him.

Galatians 6:7-9

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked.  A man reaps what he sows.  The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.  Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Ramblings from my heart

I know that I have been very vague about our adoption.  I apologize.  I have been advised by those in this process with us that we need to remain very tight lipped until she is with us.  This is extremely hard for me because my nature is to live life and share the good the bad and all of the inbetween stuff.

I value people and relationships.  I enjoy heart to heart talks, I love discussing deep convictions and values with friends and family.  I love to peek into the windows of hearts and find out what makes people the way they are.  I am a reflector, processor, obsessor, worrier, analyzer....and a few other things but I love relationship.

 Which brings me back to my baby girl who is on the other side of the world in a temporary home waiting for her forever family to come get her and to smother her with love.

  This process is very long.....painfully long.

The first time we laid eyes on her she was 4 months old.  Our hearts were instantly taken with this beautiful little girl whom we have never met and so began our pursuit for her. Paperwork.....lots and lots of paperwork.  It's been 4 months and it feels like an eternity.  I long for this baby girl, my baby girl to be home with our family.  To hold her, snuggle with her, show her how much she is loved.  To share her with her daddy and sisters and brothers, to show her off to the world and tell them how God has blessed us beyond measure with the privilege of adopting her into our lives.

Today, I received some new information and shared this with our family at dinner time.  She is 8 months old now and she is rolling from side to side and sitting up, she eats pureed rice, meat, and veggies.  She enjoys fruit and especially loves bananas.  She is progressing right along as she should be so why did my heart sink when I heard this?! Why did this make me cry?

I'm missing all these milestones because of a bunch of paperwork/seals/approvals and what not.  Well, that's what I feel like but I know this is all a part of the process.

I absolutely, 100% know that God's timing is perfect! So for these next 6 months or so we are able to  lift up our baby girl before her heavenly Father who loves her far more then we could.  Praying for her safety, for her to feel loved, for her needs to be met when they arise, for her caretakers to love her and snuggle her, and for her heart to be ready to receive her new family.  In a little bit we will be sending pictures of our family in a little book to her and hopefully she will get used to seeing her new blonde haired mommy and sisters so it won't be quite as startling to her:) No, I'm not dying my hair...the thought crossed my mind..jk.

Waiting can be so difficult, but it forces us to lay aside our own desires(quite often selfish ones)to trust Jesus with it all.  I know that this time is also good for us to prepare for a baby and all the exciting newness that brings.  Preparing our hearts individually and as a family.  When we fully depend on Him and we lay ourselves down at his feet and completely submit to His plans and His ways....the peace He gives is  heavenly.

Psalm 130:5
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.

So as we wait for our baby my prayer is to not be so consumed with what "tomorrow" brings but to continue to serve Him in the day to day living.  Oh the freedom that comes when we give it all over without taking it back(uh..not so good with this).  Sweet surrender!


Romans 8:25
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.


Isaiah 30:18
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion.  For the Lord is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who wait for him!

The song I have on my playlist....I sing over and over again, it pretty much says it all for me right now.

Clay in the Potter's Hand (Part 2)

The coach ended the call by saying how much he was going to miss Robbie on the team and how he wished that some of the other players possessed his personality.

After hanging up the phone I was fighting off tears.  I couldn't even pinpoint my feelings at the time.  But, prayed Lord help me, help us, help Robbie with this news.  Your plan is perfect, I know this to be true.

I called Bob immediately and told him of what I was just told.  He was actually on our street getting ready to pull in the driveway at the time I was calling him....accidental? I think not!  God amazes me...He knew what Robbie needed...his dad.

We pulled three chairs up and sat on that patio and Bob began to tell Robbie.

(side note: you know how a conversation is happening but somehow you are thinking like 3 different things simultaneously while people are talking.....well, I was. Just thanking the Lord for such a wise husband and loving dad who sat there and gently gave the news to his son.  Told him how proud we were of him and what a blessing he is to us and that we hurt for him and are there for him through this tough time while also... fuming over why and how the coaches came to this decision, thinking, doesn't loyalty count for anything anymore? and instantly comparing his abilities against others lack of abilities......ugh.....my heart was looking pretty ugly, stinkin sin. Then started confessing....yeah all that was going on at the same time.....scary, I know!)

Robbie's face was one of sadness, confusion, and just plain shock.  Bob and I are both verbal processors so when he told us he needed some time to let it sink in....it was killing us.  We hugged him and let him kick the soccer ball around the yard.

About a half hour later, I asked him if he wanted to go up to the field and kick the ball around and shoot on goal with the rest of our crew.  He did, so the kids and I loaded up in the van.  He got in the front seat, reached for my ipod and played this song real loud....I glanced over and streams of tears were coming down his face as he sang these words...
(turn music off on right side bar to listen to video)


I fought hard not to cry but did and told him how much I loved him.  In that moment, I can honestly say, Thank you Lord!!

Thank you, because life is not about the A team.  Life is about so much more.  If we only ever lived on the A-team we would miss out on all that God has for us to learn.  God's word promises us that we will endure hard times..

Romans 5:2b-5
And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

All of those things are refining us for who Jesus wants us to become.

I really don't want my children to go through life thinking it is easy street.  They need to feel these pressures, they need to struggle because for one thing, life is real hard.  To have these moments and be given a chance to speak into his life is just a gift from the giver Himself.  He has given Robbie the ability to call on His name for comfort, He has given him an opportunity to be a light to a different team, He has given him an opportunity to use his talent for His glory not for Robbie's.  His plan is perfect.  He is the Potter who allows different experiences to come into our lives to shape our character and to mold us into what He wants us to be.  He loves us this much!

Robbie later that night opened up to Bob and I and shared his thoughts and actually felt excited for the new prospects of being on a new team.  He shared some criticism he had from a couple kids, one in particular, that had been wearing him down.  Bob and I knew that one kid was giving him a hard time but not to the degree that he shared that night.  He felt relieved, somewhat...but determined to work hard.

I'm not going to sugar coat this and say it isn't going to be hard or it isn't going to sting to see the other team at times.  I'm sure Robbie will struggle with this along the way but God knows what we each need and some times it takes stripping us down to get us to where we need to be.  Never a comfortable place but necessary nonetheless.

I was so thankful that his ambition and passion for the game was not squelched.  So thankful for the time that he was able to share what was going on in his heart.

As we told the other kids what had taken place, they were angry and sad, Nate actually began to cry...he was feeling the hurt for his brother.  We got the opportunity to process this together as a family.  For those of you who have children in sports you understand....it becomes a family affair, an outing that you share together, a bond.

BUT, there is so much more to life then sports! I get caught up in it too!

 I want more for my kids then the American dream of living a life with a nice car, nice house, good job popularity, prestige, pleasure, power.... I pray that they live a life, falling on their knees realizing their desperate need for a Savior.  That they would give of themselves for the cause of Christ even if it meant their life. That their desire would be to continually seek His face above anything else this world has to offer.  That they would fight for those who can't fight for themselves. That they would love because He first loved us! I pray this for myself as well.  To live each day with an eternal perspective...because all of this will one day fade away.  We were created for so much more!


Matthew 5:13-16   Jesus said,
"You are the salt of the earth.  But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again?   It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.  You are the light of the world.  A city on the hill cannot be hidden.  Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.  Instead they put it on it stand, and it gives light to everyone in the the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."


I look forward to a new group of people to share with! Excited to see what God has in store for the "B" team!

Clay in the Potter's Hand (Part 1)

(The title of the post might seem odd, but bear with me;)

                                  (#33 is my boy!)

Robbie is in the middle with a big smile! Victory!

Robbie's soccer team finished the year winning the State Cup making them State Cup Champions....pretty neat!  A great finish!

Robbie has been playing for this Soccer Team for the last 5years.  This team has pretty much stayed the same with a couple changes here and there when players leave but for the most part they have remained the same core group.  As families we have cheered them on, encouraged them during seasons that have not gone as well and have celebrated many victories.  You really get to know each other, even if it is just on the sidelines, hooting and hollering.  It's all fun.  Memories are established and you become friends.  You share what's going on in your lives, and have even shared prayer requests with some who have become real close.

 We as parents, have weathered the anxieties together that come from travel tryouts each year.  Relieved several years ago when told tryouts were no longer going to be necessary at their ages.  We could take a deep breath.  No longer fearing the "call" from the coach.  You see, there are 2 teams for our age group.  The "A" team and the "B" team.  The A team for the kids who possessed a little more skill and the B team for those who also possessed skill but not on the same level as those on the A.  Robbie was one of those who 5 years ago was put on the A team and has been there since.

At the conclusion of this year, we had a pool party where all the families come together and eat, talk, kids play and we conclude with appreciation for the coaches and the boys were given sweatshirts recognizing them as champions.  We had a delightful day, one in which we even got to share with some of the parents, about our adoption and what God is doing in our lives.

The next day, I got an unexpected call from Robbie's coach.  His voice was trembling as he said, "This is very hard for me to say, but I am going to have to cut Robbie from the team".  To say that I was shocked would be a complete understatement.  He proceeded by telling me what a hard decision this was and quite frankly, the rest is a blur.....bottom line he had too many kids for the team coming this fall and he felt as though Robbie would get more playing time if he went to the B-team.

He was the only boy being cut from his team.....

I felt as though I had been kicked in the stomach.  Thoughts were swirling all around....bizilions of them coming in and out of my head.  What in the world? There were no tryouts, so how could he be cut?  The coach had picked up one boy from the B team, another boy from another team altogether, and a third boy who had played for us a couple of years ago when we were struggling, left our team to go play for a "better" club, but now that we were champions, decided he wanted to come back and play so was welcomed back with arms wide open (yeah, you know exactly what I was struggling with at this moment!.......Big time!)


I wanted to scream It's not fair!!!!! How could you? why my son? He's been loyal even when.... He's the teams biggest encourager....He's by far, not the worst player, not even in the bottom 3.....why?


Those questions weren't answered nor will they ever be.

As I spoke to the coach, I prayed for the Lord to please give me words that would show grace to this man who had made, no doubt, a very hard decision.  That through my reaction He would be glorified.  He did.  He always give us a way out when we so badly want to sin, stomp our feet in defiance and scream It's not fair.  I wish I could say that all my thoughts were pure.....they weren't.  I struggled as a mom whose love for a son was so great and knowing that bringing this news would undoubtedly shake him to his core the way it did mine.

(I'll share more tomorrow, I feel as though this post has gotten so long and I have quite a bit more to share.....the good stuff........)

Who is YOUR advocate?

I am reposting this from one of my bloggy friends. Andrea is a fellow sister in Christ and I am so thankful for our new friendship! Through her devotion to Christ and sharing her love for the Word she has blessed me! This post spoke to my heart and I pray that it would to yours also.

I Samuel 23:13-29; Psaml 54; I Samuel 24-25:44

Saul is chasing David... and David is literally running for his life. Just as Saul is about to catch up with and trap David...the Lord intervenes. The Lord sent and urgent message to Saul through his army that the Philistines were raiding Israel again. Saul had to immediately leave to go fight the Philistines...the Lord showed up in perfect timing.

I can imagine David thought for a moment that this was it for him-he could see that Saul was cornering him...and then you get one of those "are you kidding me" moments. God knew it would have to be something big to distract Saul-so...God did something big.

And David gave glory to God...

4 But God is my helper.

The Lord keeps me alive!

5 May the evil plans of my enemies be turned against them.

Do as you promised and put an end to them.

6 I will sacrifice a voluntary offering to you;

I will praise your name, O Lord,

for it is good.

7 For you have rescued me from my troubles

and helped me to triumph over my enemies.

But it wasn't over...the minute Saul was done fighting the Philistines-he came right back to finish David off once and for all. And then something funny happens. Saul needs to relieve himself-so he goes in a cave. (Don't you love God's sense of humor?) David sees Saul go in the cave, he sneaks in behind him and cuts off a piece of his robe while Saul is taking a leak. (Hey, it's in the Bible...not those exact words...but that is what was happening.) And I have to say I love David's conscience here. He chooses NOT to kill Saul...and he even feels guilty for cutting a piece of his robe.

And THIS is my favorite part of this...

9 Then he shouted to Saul, "Why do you listen to the people who say I am trying to harm you? 10 This very day you can see with your own eyes it isn't true. For the Lord placed you at my mercy back there in the cave. Some of my men told me to kill you, but I spared you. For I said, "I will never harm the king-he is the Lord's annointed one." 11 Look, my father, at what I have in my hand. It is a piece of the hem of your robe! I cut it off, but I didn't kill you. This proves that I am not trying to harm you and that I have not sinned against you, even though you have been hunting for me to kill me.

12 "May the Lord judge between us. Perhaps the Lord will punish you for what you are trying to do to me, but I will never harm you. 13 As that old proverb says, "From evil people come evil deeds." So you can be sure I will never harm you. 14 Who is the king of Israel trying to catch anyway? Should he spend his time chasing one who is as worthless as a dead dog or a single flea? 15 May the Lord therefore judge which of us is right and punish the guilty one. He is my advocate, and he will rescue me from your power!"

David could have easily taken matters into his own hands. He could have easily defeated Saul. He could have easily given Saul what he deserved...and no one would have thought badly about him. Because....really....justice would have been served. OR...David could have trusted the Lord to be his advocate. He could choose to trust the Lord even though finishing Saul right then would be easier. And He could have chosen to let the Lord be his advocate and fight for him....resulting in God being more glorified in the end.

I don't know about you-but I can really learn something from this.

Can I love someone that doesn't love me?

Can I turn the other cheek and trust the Lord to be the justifier?

Can I close my mouth and let the Lord be my advocate?

Too often, in our world, we want our feelings to be heard, we want to justify what is "deserved" and validate our feelings...and how we were wronged and what should be done to make it right. How our children should be treated or how they were mistreated...how business should be done...and before you know it-instead of allowing God to advocate for us and for His light to shine-we catch ourselves being hot heads, road-ragers, gossipers and wasting more time complaining than living. But I love how David was tempted in this passage-but he didn't go there....and he was bold enough to give God the glory.

Let us challenge our hearts this week to allow God to be our advocate and to trust Him to fight for us. After all, if He is for us-really, who can be against us?

"And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For whom he foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" Romans 8-28-31.

Let your light shine this week and may He live richly in You as you trust Him to go before you and with you.

What's growing in your garden?

We have been so blessed to have some absolutely beautiful weekends to enjoy outside. Bob loves to do anything outside...he gets in a mode where he just can knock out all kinds of projects and fun things and has the kids join him. I'm not sure where he gets all the energy....I sure could use a little scoop of it!

Anyway, he got up one particular morning and gathered up the kids and headed out to Lowes for all the supplies he would need to make a greenhouse. I think he gets almost as excited as the kids do. They returned and worked on the greenhouse for a little while and then started planting their seeds. They planted sunflowers, watermelons, carrots, and an assortment of all kinds of flowers. They had so much fun! As I snapped some pics of them planting I was disturbed by the fact that I wasn't into it....I mean...I had great joy watching them have a great ol' time but it certainly didn't look fun to me.

Ya see, I really don't like the whole "planting seed thing"....I like the finished product. So, in other words, if I am gonna plant anything I am gonna go buy flowers that are blooming....and bushes with flowers that are budding....I need to see something to make me feel good about the work put into it. With seeds, there is no instant return....you have to wait and hope that they take root. After all, they might not have been planted with enough water or the soil could have had too many rocks or weeds in it and then once it grows a little it's then transferred to a bigger pot or a bigger area of ground and will it take then.. or will it wither and die?! I seem to think sometimes it's too risky....why not go get something more stable and pretty and just plant that...something where all the work is already done for you and you just get to enjoy the beauty of someone else's hard work.....sounds good to me. Instant gratification.....baby, that's me!

Oh how this hit home for me in my own spiritual walk.....

So many things in my life are seeds waiting to be planted or seeds that have already been planted but are waiting for me to water them and patiently care for them. But my own human nature grabs hold of me and I feel like no progress is being made because I can't see it so I sometimes give up and walk away from that situation looking for something else that will make me feel better...a more stable plant. I wonder just how many times I have missed out on the Lord's blessing because of my lack of faith, my fear of the unknown, my fear of failure, or fear of rejection. How big could my garden be...right now...if I had just trusted? I won't know...and looking back will not help me..but looking forward though...I know this..I want to be a gardener who loves seeds and takes every opportunity to plant what God gives me and to learn through the process of the unknowns. I am uncertain if I will ever get that beautiful flowering plant or whether He decides I need to just be faithful and water it and care for it no matter how it turns out in the end, whether it grows to be a big beautiful tree or remains a little plant that helps produce nutrients for the soil to support those big beautiful trees.

My deepest desire is to be exactly what He wants me to be....nothing more and nothing short of that. My heart longs to be faithful to my God in all circumstances and through the uncertainties of life and I desire to serve Him and to have that garden designed by Him and not by my own choosing.

They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.

Isaiah 61:3

Maggie making little peanut butter covered pinecones

Bob hanging the birdhouse up

what a fun daddy! love him so much!

preparing their soil

planting their seeds

putting them in the greenhouse

so excited! she kept checking back during the rest of the day to see if they had grown yet.....(too cute....guess she takes a little after me that way....oh dear!)

the beautiful greenhouse!

Why?

Why me, Lord?

Why now, Lord?

Why us, Lord?

Whyyyyyy again, Lord?

I'm having a couple of those kind of days. You know, those days when things happen and you don't understand why or when something you think you have under control suddenly unravels all over again. I could ask these questions about many of the "things" in my life right now and quite frankly I am.

Oh Lord, really, I thought that "this" was a closed issue for now...I have the battle wounds to prove that I have already been there and thought I was done with this battle and then

He comforts me......

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.

Lord, how many times will I fail before I "get it"....I feel so very weak....and don't always have the fight in me to conquer this...or the desire to overcome this and then

He reminds me.....

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.....For Christ's sake I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak He is strong.

Lord, where do I go from here.....how do I love...I mean really, truly love.....unselfishly....wanting nothing in return and then

He shows me in His word....

Micah 6:8

He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.

In times such as these, when I feel as though I have lost my footing....He is there and he cares so much for this one little lamb in amongst a whole flock. I am eternally grateful for Him choosing me. I am indebted to Him and I love him for saving me and am thankful for these kind of days where I am reminded of how He is molding me into what he desires.

So "why" post this.....because this is an attempt to capture our life....the good, the bad, the ugly. This is me and this is......walking it out.....with Him leading the way.