Ramblings from my heart

I know that I have been very vague about our adoption.  I apologize.  I have been advised by those in this process with us that we need to remain very tight lipped until she is with us.  This is extremely hard for me because my nature is to live life and share the good the bad and all of the inbetween stuff.

I value people and relationships.  I enjoy heart to heart talks, I love discussing deep convictions and values with friends and family.  I love to peek into the windows of hearts and find out what makes people the way they are.  I am a reflector, processor, obsessor, worrier, analyzer....and a few other things but I love relationship.

 Which brings me back to my baby girl who is on the other side of the world in a temporary home waiting for her forever family to come get her and to smother her with love.

  This process is very long.....painfully long.

The first time we laid eyes on her she was 4 months old.  Our hearts were instantly taken with this beautiful little girl whom we have never met and so began our pursuit for her. Paperwork.....lots and lots of paperwork.  It's been 4 months and it feels like an eternity.  I long for this baby girl, my baby girl to be home with our family.  To hold her, snuggle with her, show her how much she is loved.  To share her with her daddy and sisters and brothers, to show her off to the world and tell them how God has blessed us beyond measure with the privilege of adopting her into our lives.

Today, I received some new information and shared this with our family at dinner time.  She is 8 months old now and she is rolling from side to side and sitting up, she eats pureed rice, meat, and veggies.  She enjoys fruit and especially loves bananas.  She is progressing right along as she should be so why did my heart sink when I heard this?! Why did this make me cry?

I'm missing all these milestones because of a bunch of paperwork/seals/approvals and what not.  Well, that's what I feel like but I know this is all a part of the process.

I absolutely, 100% know that God's timing is perfect! So for these next 6 months or so we are able to  lift up our baby girl before her heavenly Father who loves her far more then we could.  Praying for her safety, for her to feel loved, for her needs to be met when they arise, for her caretakers to love her and snuggle her, and for her heart to be ready to receive her new family.  In a little bit we will be sending pictures of our family in a little book to her and hopefully she will get used to seeing her new blonde haired mommy and sisters so it won't be quite as startling to her:) No, I'm not dying my hair...the thought crossed my mind..jk.

Waiting can be so difficult, but it forces us to lay aside our own desires(quite often selfish ones)to trust Jesus with it all.  I know that this time is also good for us to prepare for a baby and all the exciting newness that brings.  Preparing our hearts individually and as a family.  When we fully depend on Him and we lay ourselves down at his feet and completely submit to His plans and His ways....the peace He gives is  heavenly.

Psalm 130:5
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.

So as we wait for our baby my prayer is to not be so consumed with what "tomorrow" brings but to continue to serve Him in the day to day living.  Oh the freedom that comes when we give it all over without taking it back(uh..not so good with this).  Sweet surrender!


Romans 8:25
But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.


Isaiah 30:18
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion.  For the Lord is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who wait for him!

The song I have on my playlist....I sing over and over again, it pretty much says it all for me right now.